Leaving the office was the only thing that made sense. Not that it mattered at all where she’d go or have been. But somehow routine made the world look more meaningful – and thats what she needed most – meaning. Everybody started to perpare for closing time. She could see smiles on faces and heard laughter in the hallways. People started to relax and left their desks. She joined in the cluster of happy people and wondered if he was also here.
It was what it was always – she couldn’t stop looking for him everywhere. Surely knowing it better it was not possible for her to stop these habits and thoughts about him. If at all, working in the same firm like him was the mistake – that’s what she tried to suggest to herself always. Of course that didn’t work, she had enough options to change that. But, like it was, it had advantages. Seeing him was kind of being addicted to a drug – and getting a junk of that drug every day made it a relief during work. The side effect naturally was being alone in all hours around work. She thought that this might be human – tasting the good for a few hours and regretting the rest of your life.
Today, as every, she hoped to have an opportunity to at least talk to him. But it wasn’t that easy. Things got more and more complicated. Some fact she could not negate nor explain. Yet, it started with a personal talk by pure chance. There was a issue that somehow affected her as much as him. She meet him at the coffee station and words were spoken fast and personal. What started as a simple exchange of amenities, ended up in a intense discussion about daily problems. She was involved in the introduction of a new product. He was kind of part of the new product. However, both did not know about each others part in that process. Talking about these things made both of them forget the time. Soon, office issues, product details disappeard and private conquered that talk. Until the next appointment of him started. They left the small room they occupied and she walked back to her desk. Tried to work again, but without success. What the hell has that been?
Yes, he was looking good. And yes, that wasn’t news. Of course, she already recognized him. Yes again, he always had been interesting. But, that talk changed things. From interesting to – yes, to what? She felt uncomfortable. Looked around, tried to assess if she was observed. At least, she felt so. Does anyone know? Did anyone see that they talked to each other? Now, what would be wrong if two people talk to each other? She even more tried to concentrate on the report in front of her. Again, no success.
Bill called. Not now. She could not answer the ring. Instead, she hushed in the toilettes and changed the ring tone to vibration alert. She plastered the toilet seat with toilet tissue and took a seat. She felt terrible, her head might burst every second she thought. Luckily it didn’t. She could not say how long she stayed in her small emergency box. After nearly an hour, she regained control and stood up. Her legs still trembled and made no sign of supporting her decently, but she needed to ignore that. After she’d left the toilets, everyone had left for lunch. At least, she thought. She walked to her desk and cleaned it up. She needed to leave, no chance to stay here in that condition. She closed her workstation and scribbled a small note to Susan.
Left for the supermarket. Forgot to buy anchovies for the weekend. See you, Joan.
She took her red coat and left.
Relieved she fell into her car seat. She closed the door and started the engine. After a few hundred meters she took a small dirt road that moved away from the main traffice lines. More meters away, she stopped the engine and closed her eyes. It didn’t help. It even made it worse. Not only her legs trembled, but also her arms started. Again, she started the engine and headed back to the main street.
Bill was at home, that was for sure. It was his home office day. It would be a suprise. She had no clue what to say. Headache, yes, that sounded good. Bill would try to held her, make some tea or coffee, give her headache pills or even try to massage her feet. She liked that always, but could not imagine it now. She had to go straigt to bed, that at least was her plan.
She should have known it better. Bill did not surrender, he insisted on helping her. She had to swallow two pills at first, drink peppermint tea and consume a neck massage. Of course that did not make things better, quite the contrary happened. Now, she not only felt unsettled but also guilty though notihng had happened. At least thats was what she tried to tell herself.
„Bill, that’s really very decent from you to take care of me. But I need to rest, can you let me go to bed? Of course it’s ok if you look every half an hour or so, if I’m ok.“
She let him stay with his puzzled face and left for the bed room. With the two pills now taking effect, it was luckily very easy to fall asleep soon.